Before we start remember this is opinion. If it is offensive, talk to me about it ok?
Get back in the Kitchen and make me a Sandwich (or please don’t hit me with that rolling pin)
I come from a generation where if I was told that a female employee earnt less than a male employee being employed on the same contract for the same purpose I would not only be appauled, I would be confused.
I am also from a generation that frowns on misogyny, yet is aware that equality and open misandry are not the same thing. For those unaware Misogyny is the hatred or (as now accepted in common parlance) the degrading of a woman’s position. Misandry is the same thing, but for men.
A recent post about one woman’s experiences at Profound Decision’s Empire event has set me to thinking. Partially about how women effect the LARPing environment and to whether Misogyny or Misandry (or the roleplayed effects of them) are prevailing or damaging in LARP.
The fiesty females
Being a man, I cannot answer the female perspective of being a LARPer
I have a lot of female LARPing friends, I wonder how they react to the environment. So I am going to ask a load of you the following questions.
“How do you think the various LARP systems you attend rate for the level of Misogyny?”
“Have you ever felt uncomfortable at LARP because you are a woman?”
Contact however you chose and I will correlate them.
Erm… Masticating Males?
So what is my experience in the field of misogyny (and Misandry)
Well lets start with misogyny. LARP is full of men who probably exist on a certain part of the autistic spectrum. It also includes people who might not be beset with female friends. Does that make them misogynistic? Well obviously some of them, but not to the extent that you believe.
See society is a strange place, there is actually a world of difference singing dirty songs about sleeping with prostitutes and actually raping a woman. I have never actually seen men bothering women with wolf whistles and unwanted attention thats not true…. no wait thats not entirely true.
Maelstrom… or where I was during my last breakdown.
Maelstrom does not have good memories for me. It is where I had my first breakdown. It was also a place of people generally being shitty towards me. But that is for another time. One thing massively puzzled me.
Marriages (but no deaths)
People seemed obsessed with marriages, event one. It was something even I noticed, lots of males generally asking women to marry them. Maybe it was the lack of anything to hit. Also post event (and from Omega as well) there seemed to be a lot of comments on forums concerning: OOC Swinging comments (I believe it was about an OOC orgy with those yellow armbands on); how to conduct IC rape; sexual habits of different races; the possibility of races interbreeding; and pregnancy. At the time my thoughts were “WTF? this is a hobby about knights beating up monsters, why do we need to know these things.”
One of the things that did upset me was the way certain men were acting around a female friend (who was in a relationship). She seemed to like the attention, her partner didn’t. I certainly didn’t, it was the hungry look, the comments on her appearance. Ok I am quite prudish, but I felt they were somewhat forward for RP. It did sicken me a bit at the time and can’t have helped my eventual breakdown at the event.
Schrodinger’s Rapist?
A term I read yesterday, apparently to describe young males at LARP. When I think back to the spotty, overweight, geeks more obsessed with 40k and still wishing that they had seen a real vagina, I remember being in awe of women. This is actually misandry, the statement that any man could be a rapist, same could be said of any woman being a pedophile (yes there are women pedophiles), or any arab being a terrorist.
So why do I take a dislike to this. Well one I am not very good with women on a romantic level. I have spent a life time on cartoons where the actual attractive female character has red or black hair and is a tom boy and essentially bullys the boys into saving the day. These women tend to reject femmine pursuits. Yeah there was a blonde girl who wore pink, but she was boring and got captured by baddies all the time. I mean who didn’t have a thing for Gadget in Rescue rangers.
This means that actual women are quite a challange for men like me. But it does happen and work etc. (Love you Amara <3)
The fact that a lot of people at LARP are playing out a childhood fantasy of slaying dragons and fighting monsters, its probably less likely that they would possess predeliction to want to rape women. Or am I being navie.
Maybe there are some factors I am ignoring in why this occurs.
Derailment: Alcohol, Drama, flirting; and really, really bad things.
At LARP people drink way too much. Being a little bit drunk is good, but so many people are wasted all the time. The thing is, I don’t know why. I generally drink very little at LARP now-a-days but I know the feeling it can give you. I will enternally thank my friend Alex for showing me by example why drinking is not a good thing to do. Both men and women drink, when you are drunk you get emotional and occasionally very horny. Now if you have an outlet for that fine… but the same thing will happen that happens wherever drunken members of the opposite sex occur. Maybe some people are not aware of the behaviour of both sexes at the taxi queue at 2am.
LARPers are prone to drama. Things escalate quickly, normally based on one party’s ability to exaggerate. I have seen things occur then one of the party’s post about it and I actually think. “Whoa, screenwriter in the making.” In reality we are all governed by perception of events, sometimes we exaggerate them to appeal to our own pride. When combined with alcohol and the memory affecting ability of that, and you get some misheard, misunderstood actions.
Flirting is a difficult area of LARP, when you are flirting (or attempting seduction) remember you are essentially appealing to part of the ID of the human being, its base desires. Doing this on a roleplay level needs some care. A good example is a young lady once “roleplayed” caressing my leg and talking to me in such a way as to gain information. When this became apparent I felt hurt (more hurt by her response to “should we go get a drink?” of “IRL never in a million years”) Men and Women need to be aware that IC flirting can open doors in peoples minds and lines are easily blurred when people are drinking. Be aware of this please or at least warn individuals.
IRL flirting or using “wiles” on people for gain often backfires, as it does in LRP. Just make it clear whether it is OOC or IC please.
WAIT JAKE WHAT YOU SAID IS AKIN TO SAYING ITS A WOMAN’S FAULT SHE IS RAPED!!!!!!1111!!!!111112
1.) No it isn’t, look rape is a crime, people who commit it are criminals.
2.) How did this get to rape. There are so many other steps from where we are here to raping someone. Actually we are to that point (sort of).
So top tips for lonely men at LARP.
Top Tip: If people are NOT interested in sleeping with you, then take the hint. Seriously it is LARP, not a singles bar. Try real life.
Top Tip 2: Personal space. If someone wants you to enter their personal space, they will make it clear to you. If they don’t want you there take the hint.
Top tip 3: Sex in a tent is nasty and uncomfortable.
See the above is all my father and mother needed to teach me about personal relationships. So back to LARP.
Back to really bad things
Really bad things happen everywhere. The same advice that you get given in life you need to apply to LARP just as much. I have never heard of a rape at LARP, but I certainly know of a lot of people who regret their actions at LARP… particularly involving sexual partners.
If you are in the situation and want out, get out. If you are in the field there are enough competant people of either sex or sexuality in positions of responsibility that you can go to them and be safe. Most bit LARP companies pride themselves on this aspect of their service.
If you get out of the situation, explore what led up to it. Make sure you recognise what went wrong and avoid it in future.
I am going to get slammed for this, but people are masters of their own destiny. If you are weak willed and manipulatable while drunk, don’t drink without safe people around. Remember that people when they are drunk are not at their best and will not exhibit huge amounts of self control. This goes for men and women.
Don’t try to mix IC and OOC sexual set ups. I know one guy who left his OOC girlfriend cos he thought his IC relationship was more intense. Turns out the IC relationship wanted an open relationship with the guy. This kind of broke him. I have never seen an open relationship end well for all involved. But as I said before I am very prudish.
Ahem…back on track
So yes misogyny, sorry about the detour. Well there is another aspect, the roleplayed aspect of a woman’s place. Now there is a thing, the concept of the woman’s place was actually define by certain realities and concepts at the time. (Preganancy, poverty etc.)
Depending on a woman’s social status could lead to a very different “woman’s place”, lets not forget that in reality Queen Elizabeth I oversaw the beginnings of the British Empire; Elinor of Aqutaine ruled a massive area, Joan of Arc defeated the british… etc. etc.
To be fair our “traditional” sexism does firmly appear in 1950s America when it was seen as good for a woman to not have to work. We unfortunately then apply this to pseudo-medievial societies. For period LARP, the appropriate level of sexism is probably appropriate, but again heroines of 1920s LARP are unlikely to be cooking or raising children (more likely using tommy guns to kill zombies whilst in a flappy outfit…. but I digress). I think with RPed sexism, just remember that actually there was also a lot of deference to women as well. Once again from this poor neanderthal’s mind, I don’t understand how sexism can come into it whilst there are zombies to be Tommy gunned.
So there are my ramblings. But I am actually more interested in your comments. I want to get a discussion going, not just here, but in LARP in general.
So either e-mail me, comment or facebook me. I will post everything complete or anon if you desire.